I just left my job. Severe depression/anxiety, intense daily chronic pain, and various medical things I just don’t want to talk about..all converging somewhere in between my brain and my heart (because both hurt right now).
It’s *just* medical leave/”short-term disability, and I’m to stay in contact and let them know and keep them in the loop and check in and touch base…
I mostly feel OK about it. I feel like I’ve been functioning somewhere around 75% all the time, whether I am at home or at work. And I’m not really ever anywhere else, because it’s just all too much lately. Work, kids, sleep — or, in the past month, laying there wondering why I can’t sleep.
My hope is that some time off lets me get my shit together and get back to where I was a couple of months ago.
My fear is that I won’t get better.
But I have let go of some of my signature over-reserved-ness and leaned heavily on my husband lately. Unsurprisingly, he is several dozen types of amazing and has figured out ways to support me even when I refuse to lean, so of course he has been a rock star over the past little while. And I’ve been very honest (but careful) with the kids, who are already more resilient in the face of Mom-being-unwell than they have any right to be. They’re each beautiful and careful right back.
So we’ll be OK, as a family. No matter how OK or not-OK I end up.