Posted by: Kate | May 24, 2010

Another Man

I hate to break it to you, Willem… but I’ve fallen in love with another man.

I can’t figure out an easy, gentle way to break it to you in person, so I figured I might as well drop it on you via the blog.  After all, despite what your mother seems to believe, you do read this vile piece of filth on a regular basis, and I have absolutely no shame in my choice of topics, so really I can’t think of a better way to handle this situation.

And, before you try to argue me out of it, or bargain, or anything similarly desperate, let me just tell you: you’re wasting your time.   This love I have, it’s not just a passing fling.  It’s not something I’ll get over once the novelty wears off.  It’s here to stay, and frankly I’m pretty pleased about that fact.  I’ve never been afraid of commitment, even if it comes in the form of a public declaration of undying love to a male that is not my husband.

I know, it’s a hard thing to accept.  Especially given the physical traits of this other, heart-stealing individual.  I’ll admit, he’s far too short for me, and he’s got a very strange pattern of hair loss.  He is – let’s face it – overweight.  And he’s frankly out of shape; I’ve never seen him take a single step outdoors, and so far he doesn’t seem much inclined to even try.

Then there are his habits and personality traits.  For one thing, he eats all the time, and naps even more.  In fact, it’s rare to catch him both awake and not stuffing his face – though he has gotten better about that lately, you have to admit.  He’s a serious type, and he openly stares at people with no regard for propriety.  He interrupts, and mumbles, and is generally an ineffective speaker.  He’s very focused on his own wants and wishes, and will openly cry if he doesn’t think you’re paying him enough attention.

He’s just not an easy person to get to know, though I really think he’s worth the effort.  Because once you get past his disproportionate build and antisocial behaviors, he has a beautiful, pure, precious soul.  He’s deeply loyal to those he loves.  He’s intensely genuine: when he feels an emotion, be it happy or sad or contented or frustrated, he expresses it with his whole body, and you’re never left guessing as to what he’s really thinking.  His eyes are expressive and huge and bright and beautiful, and I still haven’t quite made out their color… sometimes blue, sometimes brown.  And he has been known to flash his smile – a thing of true beauty, really – just often enough to keep my heart at a constant pre-melt state, waiting for the next one.

So, as difficult as it might be to accept, it’s true.  I have fallen for a short, fat, balding man.  Not only am I asking you to accept that fact, I’m asking you to applaud it; and to cohabitate so as to further enable this budding relationship.  It’s a lot of gall, I know, but I think you’ll work with me on this one.  Because I love you, too, more deeply and truly than I ever have before.

Love,
Kate

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Responses

  1. How could you NOT fall for that guy?

  2. I can only pray that Willem can muster up a little understanding here.

  3. I used to say the same thing about Max, once I started liking him! Hubby just shook his head and thought, she’s off again…

  4. Oh I just want to snorgle him!

    And I have got to get my package in the mail to you. It’s sitting here, next to my desk, and I haven’t managed to get to the post office.

    This week. I promise.

  5. Hah. My guess? I bet your two men have a pretty intense relationship of their own goin’ on!!

    What a precious hunk of babyboy!!

  6. Aw… what a beautiful love story! I am sooooo happy for you!

  7. Awww…and how could you not fall for him, such a cutie!

  8. Such a cute smooshy baby face in that first pic! Gorgeous!
    I’m sure Willem will understand, just this once.. hehe.

  9. too cute. Both of you!


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