Posted by: Kate | November 3, 2009

Losing my Edge

All it takes is a quick search to verify that I’ve had a long-term, unrequited love affair with all things Bill Kurtis.  I’m sure it branches out of my interest in criminal justice – I do have a master’s degree in it, albeit unused and dusty – but his ability to recount horrific stories without getting all over-the-top or dabbling in cheesy reenactments helps, too.  I still think I could happily listen to him narrate a bowl of cereal.

But just lately, I think I’m losing my edge.  We’ve got the new apartment, and now the new TV, with the new cable box and the new DVR subscription.  And, like a dutiful FanGirl, I spent time setting up a number of series recordings, including several true-crime, Bill-Kurtis and Bill-Kurtis-esque shows.  And then… I didn’t watch them.

They clogged up the first cable box to the point that we were getting nagging alerts, “Your DVR is full!  Your DVR is full!  Watch something or it will stop recording!”  I just wasn’t interested, somehow.  I blamed it on my sleep patterns; during the one to two hours of nightly insomnia, I refused to turn on the TV or computer, on the theory that those are more stimulating and would keep me awake even longer.  And then when I had time during the day, I had to cram all of my errands in to that tiny little window that consisted of “Kate not being unconscious” and “Kids not home to watch TV.”  I’m all for honesty in parenting, but I’m not quite ready for them to learn their serial killers just yet.

So I deleted a bunch of shows, and didn’t think much of it.  I also deleted this season’s Grey’s Anatomy, Bones and Criminal Minds… I still do have some vague interest in them, but apparently not a strong enough interest to actually watch the DVR’ed shows.  So I’ll get them on DVD, a season at a time, and catch up someday.  Fine.

(Hmm.  I wonder if Bill Kurtis has any DVD’ed seasons of anything?  Willem, if you’re looking for Christmas ideas…)

Then we got the Unreasonably Large New Television, and with it came a new cable box with HD capacity, which meant that all our formerly DVR’ed shows were immediately lost.  So I started over with the series recordings, not bothering with the seasonal shows whose first three or four episodes I’d already missed, and this time I have been better about actually watching the things I record.

Except for the true crime stuff.  I still love a good Bill Kurtis voiceover, but even there, I’m not watching repeats of shows I’ve already seen.  And as for the others… I don’t know, I’m just finding them too intense and upsetting, somehow.  Very unlike me; I won’t watch violent movies, because seeing the act itself tends to be a little too much for my poor little amygdala, but I will watch all sorts of shows about the aftermath of violence, the investigations, the follow-up, etc.  And usually without a thought to its potentially upsetting nature.

But just lately… it’s just too much, somehow.  Just not appealing to me.

Not dissimilar, actually, to the way that I have lost my taste for desserts.  I’ll still eat them, and when I do, I enjoy them, but a smaller portion suffices, and I don’t seek them out on my own.  Perhaps the two things are related, in the brain, somehow.

I blame the pregnancy.



  1. When D’Arcy & I first got married, we loved Law & Order – all of them! Since having children, I can no longer watch it. Lots of things I can’t watch anymore that I used to love, now I find it too disturbing… You are not alone!

  2. That would actually make more sense to me, if I stopped being able to watch after having children… but now, even up to this summer I could happily watch the most graphic, descriptive shows, even while eating, or sitting up alone late at night… and all of a sudden, nope, more than a single show (and some of them I can’t get through the first five minutes) and I’m done for the night. It’s so odd.

    This pregnancy is SO different from the others, on just about every scale measurable…

  3. Totally the pregnancy. I couldn’t watch CSI during my first pregnancy, and haven’t since. Totally can’t do Dexter, which DH loves. Yet somehow I managed to nurse my daughter to sleep every night watching Law & Order:SVU. What’s up with that?

  4. Maybe it’s because you’ve been getting dosed up on Bill doing those 3G network commercials for AT&T.

    “I’m Bill Kurtis, and I’m faster than Andy Roddick!”

  5. I’m not familiar with Bill Kurtis but apparently he voiced over a Will Ferrell movie “Anchorman”. We’re inundated with American crime fiction on telly here. I’m over it. Boring, repetative . . and if I see another CSI I’ll scream.

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