Posted by: Kate | April 29, 2009

A Year Ago

Holy crap, have things changed in a year.  Just about everything, really.

A year ago, I was working, and was still reasonably content at the job.  Not doing an unreasonable amount of overtime, but enough to pay for the extra vacations we took in 2008: Disney, Jamaica, New York City, Freeport… there was a lot of fun, being had simply because, for the first time in memory, we had both the time and the money to make it happen.  My savings account would be significantly more robust had we not been quite so adventurous, and I don’t regret that for a second.

A year ago, I was planning to get pregnant anysecondnow, and really thought that 2009 would see me digging out baby clothes and the various implements and containers you need for little critters.  And, technically, I suppose, 2009 did see me do just that, only not for my own baby.  I would not have guessed, a year ago, that by now I would be starting my last month of Clomid and then essentially abandoning hope in the realm of fertility, at least until we get better health insurance.

A year ago, my blog was getting 350-400 hits a day, and I would routinely get over 20 comments per post.  Now… not so much, on either count.  I know why; I’ve been miserable within myself and miserable to be around, these last several months, and that gets old after a while.  Plus, WordPress rearranged their front page, from which I used to get a fair amount of random traffic.

A year ago, I took my own physical health largely for granted.  I maintained a low-grade frustration at my inability to find consistent, effective migraine prevention, but at least I had reliable and adequate medication for when a migraine did roll in.  Otherwise, I felt mostly fine, and the complaints were of a passing nature.  Now I’m struggling with serious back pain, and anxiety about whether something even worse is lurking alongside it, and I don’t think a single day goes by without some level of thought about my physical health.

A year ago, I wasn’t depressed.  Nor am I right this second, but that’s not due to a basic contentedness with my life and long-term plans, it’s due to the wonders of modern medicine.  Last year at this time, I didn’t need meds for any sort of psychiatric reason, and I was puttering along just fine.

A year ago, I had a fairly clear idea of who I was, what I could accomplish, what I wanted out of life, and what the next few years would bring.  Now, all of that is up in the air, and my horizon has pulled in much closer.  I can’t plan for next year, or even next month… but I’m able to plan for next week, which is a vast improvement over where I was at in February, so I’ll take what I can get.

A year ago, I would have made an attempt to guess where I would be in a year’s time, if asked.  This year, I will not.


It’s madhouse day here, so if you have thoughts about a year ago, please share. Heather has already tossed in her thoughts, and JMLC and Baino typically play along, too. Let me know if you do, I’ll add you to the list…

Be This Way chimed in, too…

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Responses

  1. It’s interesting to me that, with different issues, of course, that we essentially switched places this year and last. Here’s hoping that next year at this time we’re both in positive, can plan for the future places.

  2. You are in my thoughts. Life is crazy in the Trenches (in many different ways) so reading blogs has taken a backseat. But I’ll always come back to you Kate!

  3. I’m always here and always reading. You couldn’t shake me that easily. And hooray for better living through chemistry!

  4. You still have readers here. I know I haven’t commented as much, but then I’m not commenting anywhere as much. I’m not writing much on my own blog either right now. I just haven’t been “into it” lately. I remember feeling this way about this time last year, too. Something about the school year coming to a close for me, I guess.

  5. I’m still here. Always reading. I don’t comment much only because my brain has been uber-fried the last couple of months from much work stress (haven’t been able to update my own blog for a couple of weeks). You’ve come a long way out of the dark. I’m glad you’ve been feeling better lately.

  6. I hope your year sees mostly positive changes.

  7. Well look on the bright side, the only way is up! At least your year HAD some changes, mine’s just been ho hum!


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