Posted by: Kate | April 12, 2009

Never a Dull Moment

Just got back from a weekend at my mother’s… my sister Mary turned 18 today (all together now: “Happy Birthday, Mary!”) and that seemed worth the drive, even though we were there and awake only a little bit longer than we were in the car to get there and back. Willem decided to come with, which meant we had to come back Sunday, and it’s better that I have a day to unpack and get organized before Tuesday, when the week starts to get busy.

I may or may not offer a replay of the weekend – it was a nice time, but not particularly newsworthy, for the most part – but that would require finding my camera, juicing up the battery, and organizing photos from the past month or so. Maybe tomorrow.

In the meantime, a point to ponder: if you learned (or, I suppose, in my case, relearned after a period of deliberately ignoring/forgetting) that someone close to you frankly disbelieved several key facts about your personal history and medical status, what would you do? When it’s been, for some things, well over a decade of the person having been informed of the truth and yet consistently, blandly denying it? Is it worth trying, yet again, to convince them of something they refuse to believe, or is it better to just let it slide and deal with the hurt, because the conflict inherently necessary in dealing with the situation would be hurtful and perhaps psychologically harmful?

I’m undecided, myself. I know I’m upset and angry, and haven’t figured anything out beyond that.

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Responses

  1. My $0.02, not worth the effort. You can never convince someone when they refuse to believe, especially after they have been given the facts. It just doesn’t fit into their reality. Don’t waste your energy on convincing or being angry. Let it slide.

  2. It depends on who it is and how close you are to them. Most people I would just shrug it off and let it go, but I’m an avoider when it comes to conflict with people I really love. However, if it’s someone you are really close to, perhaps dealing with the situation would bring you closer after all is said and done?

    Not much help, I know. Sorry. Hope to talk to you soon!

  3. I agree with the other two commenters! Hugs though.

    PS Happy Birthday Mary

  4. Ok, well, you’ve already resolved this, but my opinion is that they’re being kind of lame in allowing you to ‘catch wind’ of their negative opinion on this. What positive outcome could result from your knowing their opinion? None.
    It’s too bad it’s someone you’re close to, and it’s even more too bad that they can’t be close enough to you to recognize how their actions hurt you.

  5. If someone is not going to believe what obviously affects your daily life, then you’re probably not going to be successful in changing his/her mind. My SIL is like this. I know she thinks my sister and her husband are a couple of whiners because she refuses to understand the reality of their combined health problems. There’s really nothing any of the rest of the family can say that would make her believe that their problems are legitimate. So there’s no point in trying.

  6. Yep, not worth the effort so why bother. I’d take it as a signal that they no longer wish to know. Head in the sand syndrome . . it’s surprisingly common.


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