I just spent hours – literally, from about 7:00 to midnight – catching up on Bloglines. I didn’t comment everywhere, but I commented everywhere that I had something to say. I didn’t read every entry, but I skimmed them.
It feels surprisingly good. Some guilt, of course, for the time spent playing when I should have been working on one or two actual, important projects. And some self-flagellation for the awareness that tomorrow’s going to be a long and busy day, after several long and busy days already, and I really need to be asleep already.
But overall, good.
Because, I missed you guys. I haven’t been reading blogs, not a single one, since before Christmas – and from mid-November to Christmas, it was spotty at best. I was just so knocked flat by this layoff thing, and health things, and worries about kids, and L and X and K being here (they moved home today, and I am happy to have my house back and more than a little verklempt at the idea of her flying solo again, and me with no instant newborn access now), and so on, and so forth. I felt like I was putting out wildfires with a squirt gun, and every time I would get one dealt with, two more would pop up. I think my actual baseline, over the past four or so years, is actually reasonably healthy and happy and productive and confident – but in the past two and a half months, each of those aspects of me has taken a direct hit.
So my existence started to pare down to the basics. What needed to be done around the house, for the kids, for the holidays, that kind of thing. That which felt disposable was disposed of, activities-wise, albeit on an unconscious level. I never set out to peel several enjoyable hobbies away from myself, but that’s what happened.
So, now, slowly but surely, I’m building them back up. Being more social online, as well as making more of an effort to get out of the house. Reading more. Knitting things I want to knit, not things I feel somehow obligated to knit.
You get the idea. It’s a good thing.
So, there you are. It’s nice to see you all again. Thanks for continuing to function while I spent some time falling apart. I’ll do my best to stop by more than once every three months.