Posted by: Kate | September 3, 2008

A Solution for the Nap-Challenged

[Note: This is best read in a game-show prize announcer type voice.]

Are you a mediocre nap-taker?

Do you struggle with an inability to fall asleep during the day?

Do you wake up too soon?  Sleep too lightly?  Stare at the ceiling and wonder why you even bothered trying?

Then you should try Getting a Concussion.  Getting a Concussion is a new, breakthrough technology that will not only allow you to take frequent, intense naps; it will demand it.  Getting a Concussion will allow you to function through your normal daily tasks until, with no apparent warning, you will suddenly be on the verge of unconsciousness with a vague hope to make it all the way to a couch or bed before actually succumbing to slumber.

Getting a Concussion can also enable you to take several naps in a day.  Or, as an added bonus, Getting a Concussion can enforce a single, five-hour nap that magically disappears an entire afternoon.

Getting a Concussion is resistant to most commercially available forms of caffeine, and once you have indulged in Getting a Concussion, you will be discouraged from attempting vigorous activity as an alternate means of maintaining alertness.

As an added bonus, in this one-time-only, limited-edition offer, Getting a Concussion can also prove resistant to any and all available pain medications.  Getting a Concussion will also create the illusion that every room is moving, in a slow but persistent manner, allowing you to demonstrate your sea legs while remaining on dry land.

Warning: Getting a Concussion is not recommended for the young, the elderly, the middle-aged, healthy or unhealthy adults.  Getting a Concussion can create feelings of unexplainable depression and anxiety.  Getting a Concussion is best avoided by anyone with a wish to remain functional or productive.

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Responses

  1. oh so true…I feel for you and hope you are feeling better REALLY REALLY SOON – even though posts like this are funny I know this is what you are truly experiencing and don’t want you to feel this terrible either. GREAT BIG HUGS

  2. Oh no!!! How did you get a concussion?

  3. Yeah, I missed the story too! What happened? Hope you feel better soon.

    BTW, it sounds a little like how I feel every day.

  4. https://katesaid.wordpress.com/2008/08/30/wanted-adult-sized-gerbil-ball/

  5. How did you guys miss the story? It was like two posts ago. 😉

    That was really funny. I’m sorry you’re going through all that, but still really funny. Kisses!!

  6. Where can I get a concussion, too?

  7. When Riley got his concussion last year, it took over 6 weeks for him to feel “normal”. Newest studies show that recovery time for concussions have been too short and longer periods than several weeks may be more accurate. This is your journal fact for the day. 🙂

    I hope you feel better soon.

  8. Oh, dear. Are you at least able to skip out of work?

  9. I’m more of a coma guy.

  10. Oh no! I missed the gerbil on wheels story. That sounds like a really bad feeling. Happy snoozing, though!

  11. Oh poppet. Sounds awful. I’m a crap napper but found the imbibing of Travel Calm on a recent ocean trip quite trippy. Perhaps it’s chemically induced concussion! You’re very erudite for one so consussed! Hope you’re over the wobbles soon!

  12. Fortunately, I am a champion napper, no concussion needed. Hope you feel better soon.

  13. I’ve gone for so long without a nap that I’m so cranky my husband would probably gladly hit me over the head to knock me out! 😉

  14. I have a concussion, two years now. I am an attorney and I find it hard to function even now two years later. If your having a hard time sleeping see a doctor, but don’t wish for such a horrible solution. I am doing better, but it has been a slow recovery. Losing the ability to function mentally is horrible and very scary. Mine was from a car accident. A drunk driver hit me, my car was stopped and she drove in to us going over 55mph. My under insurance (because she didn’t have adequate insurance) wants to say I’m not injured because I didn’t have a visible injury. I want to reach out to out people suffering from this horrible condition.


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