Posted by: Kate | August 15, 2008

The Dreaded Nap

In case my bathroom scale, my social life, and my income taxes didn’t already prove it, I’ve had the chance of reminding myself of just how much I am not a toddler.

  • I don’t watch Go, Diego, Go or Zoboomafoo with glassy-eyed, slack-jawed brainlessness.  In fact, most of the time, the presence of children’s television is a sign to me that I can escape the room and get some housework done, without interruption.
  • I kind of enjoy housework, or at the very least I’m attuned enough to the need for it that I feel virtuous, if not happy, while doing so.
  • I would love for someone much larger than me to walk into the room and insist that I drop what I’m doing, eat a simple, well-rounded meal, and then take a nap.
  • I can go all day long without starting a sentence with the words, “Mom, can I have…?”
  • Matchbox cars lose their fascination after about ten seconds.  Maybe twenty, under certain circumstances.
  • I love grilled zucchini, and hate those little gummy fruit snack things.
  • I would never consider falling asleep in a wet bathing suit.
  • I have that stuff… what is it again?  It’s really strange, if you’re in the under-9 set in my house… let me think.  Oh, right.  It’s impulse control.
  • I am willing to believe that everyone in the room has ears and knows how to use them, so if I hear one person ask a question and another person answer it, I do not immediately feel the need to repeat the question, but at a louder volume.  Especially if the answer was, “No.”
  • I can reach the top shelves in the kitchen cupboards.

They’re weird critters, these short people that currently infest my home.  Good thing they’re cute, because that helps curb the impulse to announce a rousing game of “Hide and Don’t Seek.”

Update, 9:30a: I also just realized that, while there is a certain amount of money that would convince me to get completely soaked in a kiddie pool in the front yard before 10:00 in the morning… you’d have to make a run to the ATM to get it.



  1. Darn adults. Show offs.
    Hide and seek, it seems when they are kids, they would start yelling after a time to remind you that you hadn’t found them yet. When they were teenagers they would hide really well and never answer while you yelled for them.
    I hate gummy things and zucchini anything, or I would if I ever tried it.

  2. I like your list.
    Very true.

    SOmetimes I don’t *want to be the grown up.

    My kids go to camp. (Their request) it’s *my summer vacation from being a parent. If you play your cards right, you can look forward to that too. 🙂

  3. Yes. Oh yes. I do really love when Megan announces to me “I’m going to give you a time out!” — to which I always respond, “Oh, GOODY! Do I get to stay in my room, all by myself? For how long?” Never fails to confuse, and de-fuse.

    Love grilled zucchini. And hate any food of violent blue hue.

  4. Hey Dere is one of the Hide & Don’t Seek type & he is 4. I actually find a bit of joy when he is “it” because there are a couple of kids hiding for a LONG time and he is off playing some where else and not seeking.
    I totally agree with your list, both of my kids are climbers though so we are thinking cement shoes and bolting anything that could assist in verticle ascent to the floor.

  5. you lost me after the enjoying housework thing.

  6. Yesterday I had something a little similar. One of the wee short ones in the house was given some change, probably no more than 2 bucks. But the reaction was all “I’m rich I’m rich. If I ever need a quarter I don’t have to ask!”

  7. I really have to get over my toddlerphobia before my grandchildren come along (not imminent by the way). Can’t stand ankle biters . . .they make strange noises and leak at both ends.

  8. Oh, falling asleep in a wet bathing suit. I’m having flashbacks. I did that ALL THE TIME when I was a kid. Now just the thought of it gives me a yeast infection.

  9. I love hide and don’t seek! Sometimes I have them hide and tell them I’ll count to 40, and when I get to 39 I start at 20 again. I can usually get away with it twice but Ben has really been paying attention later…

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