Posted by: Kate | August 14, 2008

A Horse of a Different Color

Well.  That was not at all how I expected today to go.

To be precise, the broad strokes, I was ready for: a poor night’s sleep, a contentious staff meeting, and an afternoon partaking of the outdoors in some form or another.  But the details, I had completed mispredicted.

First, there was the sleep.  I don’t sleep well when Willem isn’t home, and I combat this by staying up too late, on the logic that I would rather stay up until completely exhausted and get five or six hours’ solid sleep than force myself to bed before I’m ready and spend a fitful night staring at the ceiling and getting poked at by the cat.  Last night, I was in bed around midnight and asleep right away, neither of which I expected; but then I was restless and awake most of the minutes between about 2:00 and 5:00.  Weird.  Annoying.

The staff meeting did, indeed, involve a lot of raised voices and pointed fingers.  But, wonder of wonders, the fingers were neither pointed at nor being pointed by me.  My peers rallied around, with all of the cliches and platitudes we have already worn out in this field: you did everything you could… nobody can tell the future… you can’t control someone’s actions after they walk out the door… even her doctor didn’t know better…

The hostility, instead, was reserved for the medical director of my workplace, who sent out a nasty email in which he placed the blame squarely on me by collecting snippets of emails and official paperwork in such a way as to create a completely different scenario than the one that I actually experienced on Friday.  Curmudgeonly J is happy because he has a target for his self-righteous frustration, Supervisor N is happy because I documented my little tail off and didn’t make any technical, legal or administrative errors, and I’m happy because I get to be in the eye of the storm instead of hiding under a bathtub amidst the wreckage.

As for the rest of the day, I had planned to take the kids to a playground for a while, but they were all crabby and whiny, so after 20 minutes we all packed up and went home.  And they didn’t even protest too much, so I think they agreed with my characterization of the excursion as “a great big pile of not fun.”  Instead, I got some outdoors time in the form of dinner on the grill and hanging a load of laundry on the clothesline.  Not terribly exciting, but frankly I don’t need any more excitement in my life right now.

All in all, not bad.  I’m ready for one more shift this week, and then a weekend off, a husband returning triumphantly on Sunday, and… well, I can safely ignore my upcoming Monday’s worth of dental work for three more days, so I think I will.



  1. It’s nice to be validated by your peers. You know you did the right thing and that’s most important. HUGS!

  2. There there . . all that worry for nothing! And great restraint with the ‘pile of . . not fun’!

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